Choose to Forgive

The year of 2018 was an adventure.  One of the biggest accomplishments for our family has been Jason learning what the potty is for.  He is not completely potty trained but he is wearing underpants the whole time we are away from home and not having any accidents.  He is however still enjoying his time at home naked.  Which means we still have to clean up a mess every once in a while.

Recently the a question came to me, "When Jason finally potty trains fully, how long do we wait before we buy new carpet."  Yes this is the real thoughts that go through my mind as I go throughout my day.

The funny thing is I immediatly thought of forgiveness.  I've been listening to the October conference again and as always I love Jeffrey R. Holland.  Such an elloquent man, that can obviously be related to ANYTHING at my house.  He said,

Surely each of us could cite an endless array of old scars and sorrows and painful memories that this very moment still corrode the peace in someone’s heart or family or neighborhood. Whether we have caused that pain or been the recipient of the pain, those wounds need to be healed so that life can be as rewarding as God intended it to be. Like the food in your refrigerator that your grandchildren carefully check in your behalf, those old grievances have long since exceeded their expiration date. Please don’t give precious space in your soul to them any longer. As Prospero said to the regretful Alonso in The Tempest, “Let us not burden our remembrance with a heaviness that’s gone.”

In this life, there is going to be poop on everyones carpet at sometime.  When this happens what are we supposed to do?  Do we point at it and say, "Hey! You horrible person, you just pooped on my carpet!"  Most of the poop that we find on our carpet is from family.  Loved ones that don't know better. Jason surely doesn't know that after the millionth time of cleaning up his poop, that I want to scream, cry, curl up in a ball.  He doesn't understand that this is a very frustrating and sometimes humiliating part of my life.  So how can I lose it on him, knowing he doesn't understand?  I don't.  Sometimes I let my frustrations out by a good scream, even leaving the house.  But I never, would not love him, or hold it against him.

Just like Jason's accidents, I need to let go of the hurts that others have caused me.  I need to clean up the mess and go on, not for them, but for me.  It's not healthy to live in a space that is filled with poop.  Just the same it's not healthy for us to live with burdens of unforgiven wounds.

I'm not saying when someone poops on your carpet you just say, "That's ok, I'll clean up your mess."  I'm not saying after someone has pooped on your carpet before that they won't do it again.  I'm not saying that someone who has pooped on your carpet multiple times needs access to your home again.
I am saying take care of removing the mess, and move forward.

Some messes are easier to forgive than others.  Obviously all of Jason's messes are forgiveable.  He's severly autistic.  He is my celestial baby and he truely does not understand what he is doing.  He doesn't understand the health issues he creates by pooing on the floor.  He does not understand the heart ache he causes when he attacks me again and again.  So when it comes to Jasons messes. It's very easy to say, "OK, I'll clean up your mess. Again..."  Trust me.  I'm not happy about it.

However, there is a difference between a child with a developmental delay and a neurotypical (normal) person.  So if my nineteen year old son , who has his own appartment, came into my house and knowingly pooped on the floor that would NOT make me happy.  He would have a lot of explaining to do.  (I would probably take him to therapy if he did that.)  But if Duncan knowingly said something to hurt me, or did something to hurt me we would work it out.  I would make sure I understood his thoughts and forgive him.  He's my baby, he's my son, I would always forgive him.

There are those who not only leave their once beautiful carpet messy, but they spray paint a circle around the poop and make sure they write the name next to it in permanent marker.  If it's a bad enough hurt it might be gold plated.  Even if every bit of poop were gold plated you would still just have gold plated poop.  In most cases the person who pooped on your carpet doesn't even remember doing it.  So the only person dealing with poopy carpet is the one living with it.

With the new year, don't live with poopy carpet.  Please let it  go.  Please let yourself do the healing and live in a house with at least clean carpet if not new carpet.  If you can't clean it up yourself call on the best carpet cleaner in the Universe.   The Lord will be there for you.  He knows how much you are hurting, and how much you were hurt in the past.  He will understand why there are twenty five layers of gold on that mess in the corner, and he will help you get rid of it.

Forgiveness is essential for our happiness.  It is required to have a peaceful life.

Remember that the Lord loves you and wants you to be happy.  Here's to a new year of Love, Peace, and Light! As well as clean carpets.